Children learn many things while growing up, both good and bad. Behaviors are learned and beliefs are deeply implanted from a very young age, both consciously and unconsciously. As a result, these beliefs and behaviors become the foundation upon which we build our lives as adults. Changing the very foundation upon which you live is frightening and, for some, debilitating. However, if the belief system you’ve used to construct your life is causing you harm, it must be rebuilt.
When a house is built upon a weak foundation, walls begin to crumble and the roof will eventually come crashing down upon your head. When a life is built upon an unstable foundation, though the damage may be internal, it is no less dangerous or destructive. Irrational belief systems and misconceived notions of the nature of reality will always forge a weak foundation for life.
It is truly frightening to come to the conclusion that the things upon which you built your life are incorrect. The thought that your concept of love, friendship, commitment, and loyalty for example, are simply wrong, is just plain scary. However, the negative effects of ill-conceived beliefs and behaviors can be overcome – and must be – if your goal is to find happiness.
Here are two of the most common belief systems, based upon childhood experiences, which can shake your emotional foundation to its core…
- Destructive behavior is “normal” behavior – When a child grows up in a household where physical abuse is accepted, this behavior becomes “normal.” After all, what is a youngster to think if the role models upon whom he/she is trying to build an understanding of the world in which they live accept this type of behavior in each other? If abusive behavior and victimhood are the standard by which a child’s parents live, it makes perfect sense that such will be the model on which that child builds a life in adulthood. Negative role models are just as powerful and influential as positive role models can be.
- Emotional blackmail is “proof” of love – Feelings of jealousy, guilt, and envy are nothing but emotional blackmail and prove nothing but the insecurity of the person professing to love you. These feelings have little or nothing to do with you and your behavior, but instead are a reflection of a lack of self-esteem and self-worth in the person who is using them to blackmail you. They are a trap, an emotional snare, designed to force you to accept a relationship on the terms of another, without regard for your feelings; without regard for your emotional welfare or needs.
While it seems to be rational that a child would accept these belief systems based on experience, they are still irrational belief systems. Why? Because they are false beliefs and destructive behaviors; and because the child’s parents accepted them as reasonable beliefs and behaviors as well, likely based on their own experiences as children. The acceptance of irrational beliefs and destructive behaviors by those who should know better does not change their irrational and destructive nature. They merely create a vicious cycle of emotional destruction in succeeding generations.
Remember this, “That which you resist will forever exist.”
If you are having trouble trying to accept the reality of your own life, and with applying rational solutions to your situation, get in touch with me today for therapeutic help in doing so.
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