If you’re unhappy, it makes sense to make changes to your life that will lead to increased happiness. Yet change can be frightening, as evidenced that so few actually do make those changes in their lives. Understanding your fear of change is the first step to enabling yourself to change your life for the better.
Overcoming the fear of change
To a very great extent, children acquire a definition of acceptable behaviour through “modeling” the actions they see in others, mostly the adults around them. Hence, the label “role model” for those adults. These behaviours lead to deeply ingrained beliefs that are learned throughout childhood, both consciously and unconsciously. Naturally, the beliefs and behaviors you learned as a child have become the foundation upon which you built your life as an adult.
The thought of changing the very foundation upon which you live is understandably frightening; however, if the belief system you’ve used to construct your life is causing you harm, you must tear it down and rebuild it.
While it can be terrifying to realize that the beliefs upon which you’ve built your life are incorrect, that your concepts of love, friendship, commitment, and loyalty are simply wrong, the negative consequences of these ill-conceived beliefs and behaviors must be overcome if your goal is to find happiness. These beliefs are known as limiting beliefs, and my new FATE Blueprint Workbook offers a number of exercises to help you overcome them.
For now, know this:
- Bad role models are powerful – just as powerful as positive role models. Destructive behavior is NOT “normal” behavior. If you grew up in a household where physical abuse was accepted, it may seem “normal” to you. It’s not! If abusive behavior and victimhood were the standard by which your parents lived, it’s perfectly understandable that you might build your life as an adult on the same model. Yet, while altering that perception can be frightening in the extreme, doing so is your only hope for happiness.
- Your sense of Self belongs to you – exclusively. Ingrained feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and shame, when implanted by others, are nothing but emotional blackmail, designed to force you to accept a relationship on the terms of another, without regard for your feelings, welfare or needs. These feelings have little or nothing to do with you and your behavior, but instead are a reflection of a lack of self-esteem and self-worth in the person who is using them to blackmail you emotionally. You must discard them – now – and move on.
While it may seem rational to accept these belief systems based on experience, you must realize that they are irrational beliefs based on the irrational behaviours of the role models you’ve had in your life. They will only create and promote a vicious cycle of emotional destruction in you and, if you do not make changes, in your children too.
If you are having trouble trying to accept the reality of your own life, and with overcoming your limiting beliefs, get in touch with me today for therapeutic help in doing so.
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