Most of us have dealt with a relationship break up at one time or another, but for many couples repairing what is wrong and facing the problems to stay together is important. A lot of things can be done to keep a relationship alive. If both people are willing to work together and take responsibility for their own actions, it is possible to reignite the flame and build a love that is stronger than ever.
As a starting point, it helps to have building blocks, especially if you are the one who is initiating the reconciliation. This includes taking responsibility for your actions and contribution to the relationship. Rather than playing victim or focusing on your partner’s faults, consider your own behaviors as a starting point. You can create a healing response from your partner when you take this approach.
Make a reconnection: Using the word “you” in a conversation with your partner can feel threatening, so focus on “I” statements instead. For example, rather than saying to your partner, “When you ignored me, I felt really hurt,” instead focus try saying, “I feel really hurt when I am ignored”. This will elicit a more neutral response. The same is true when writing emails or text messages.
Meet in the middle: When you’re trying to reconnect, share what you’ve realized about your behavior and how it has contributed to the relationship. For this process, your partner has to be willing to meet you in the middle, both in listening and responding to what you are sharing. This is a time to be compassionate and get your partner involved in the conversation.
Bridge the gap: Men and women are fundamentally different, but if you can make the commitment to respect these differences and make saving your relationship a top priority, an amazing thing can happen. The best qualities will come out of each other, rather than the worst. The key is to take action. It requires more than just a choice and a commitment to save a relationship. New behaviors and actions can create dramatically different outcomes.
Redefine the relationship: If you believe and behave that a better relationship is possible between the two of you, your partner will do the same and the good feelings will return. Never underestimate the healing power of love.
I’ve talked to several other women while being engaged. I want to stop, I’m thinking I have a problem. I’ve pretty much ruined everything. This is no forget and forgive situation. I dont know what to do.
Hello, this comment is a bit ambiguous. From reading what you’ve written I must say that ‘talking’ to other women while you’re engaged does not pose a problem. You’re always going to be talking to women throughout your life. It’s essential to be clear in communicating what is actually going on. If you’re flirting with other women most of the time this is harmless behaviour as you’re getting ready to transition from your single life to your married life. It’s when the line from harmless flirting to leading someone on, becoming emotionally involved with someone else, disrespecting yourself and your partner, and infidelity, that is when you will run into problems.
People do test out their life choices when it comes to major transitions but if you’re doing more than ‘talking’ then it’s time to re-evaluate your decision. Trust is one of the foundation blocks of a healthy relationship and if trust is abused or taken away then you have to ask yourself what are you building your new marriage on? Time to stop testing your decision and stick to it, whatever decision that may be. Why are you getting married? Is this your ‘soul mate’? Are you ready for married life? Something to think about.
Cheers,
Cheryl Hitchcock