There is one, and only one, type of healthy relationship to have, whether in business, a friendship, or romantic. The only type of relationship worth having is a relationship on your terms.
You set the parameters for a relationship and the other person either accepts or rejects them. If their terms conflict with yours, no relationship is possible. If their expectations exceed yours, no relationship is possible. If their demands are unreasonable, no relationship is possible. However, when your terms coincide, that is when serendipity takes place.
Of course, the other person has the same right to their terms and conditions that you have for yours. If you don’t fit into their life, for whatever reason, you can make no claim on them.
Shared Values and Mutual Respect
The foundation of the terms you set for any healthy relationship is the values you carry, and share. If your potential partner does not value the same things you do, what do you have in common? What will you be able to share? What is it that you care for in them, or love about them, if not the things they value; the same things that you value, as well.
Respect for the things which each of you values is where love begins. Shared values lead to mutual respect. Respecting that which your potential partner values, and sharing those values, is the basis of romantic love. Simply stated, without respect, love is not possible.
The man who abuses his wife does not love her. The wife who constantly belittles her husband does not love him. How do we know this? The lack of respect for their partners’ very existence is evidence enough. This violence, either physical or emotional violence toward a partner, makes this crystal clear.
Protestations and claims of love aside, it is impossible to abuse that which we value and respect. Therefore, if we abuse one another, we do not value, respect, or love one another.
Shared values and mutual respect are the foundations of any healthy relationship. If these are not present in your relationships, any of your relationships, perhaps it’s time to rethink your commitment to them. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
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