What happens if you don’t get the house you’ve always dreamed of? Or the perfect job, the perfect car, or the perfect life partner? Can you still live with yourself if you “fail” in acquiring these things? What damage might you be doing to your self-image if you constantly “fail” at acquiring all of these things?
While setting goals is necessary to the successful pursuit of a happy life, when we become emotionally attached to the things, and people, we want in our lives, we set ourselves up for emotional turmoil. Especially if we allow ourselves to form attachments before we acquire them. After all, if you don’t get the job you had your heart set on, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.
Fear and doubt will attract a negative outcome
What will happen to your self-esteem if you fail to get that job? Was it really the perfect job for you if they decided it wasn’t? It was their job to offer, after all, and if they decided to go in another direction, that may not be a direct reflection on you. They made a choice, for better or for worse, and it would be counter-productive for you to waste emotional capital on that choice; a choice over which you had no direct influence.
By allowing yourself to become emotionally invested in such a decision, a decision over which you have no real control, you base your self-image on the judgment of others. This can be emotionally crippling and, eventually, emotionally devastating.
Emotional detachment can prevent negative outcomes
The “perfect” man for you, the man you’ve decided can’t live without, may not be all you thought him to be. He may be beautiful in your eyes, but what if he does not share the same values or goals. What if he doesn’t want children, and you do? What if he wants to travel the world looking for adventure, and you want to settle down and raise a family – or vice versa. What if he is willing to live together, but not get married? Are these things you can live with, just because he’s beautiful to look at? Are you a failure if you can’t acquire this “perfect” man as your life partner?
Of course not, you simply attached yourself to the idea of perfection in a mate and this is virtually impossible to find. The result of such an unrealistic attachment can be difficult to overcome. Why set yourself up for that?
The healthy approach to setting goals is to detach yourself emotionally from them. You can still “go for it,” but don’t make the emotional investment until you achieve them. By doing this, you set yourself up for success and emotional stability. You can still pursue your passions, without the emotional devastation that can follow when you fall short.
And that’s good enough.
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