Good communication can make or break a relationship. Even if everything else is good between you and you partner, if you don’t communicate on a regular basis, your relationship will flat line. The following are some of the biggest communication mistakes that couples make:
1. Checking out. It can be challenging with the distractions of technology—computers, cell phones, portal music, etc.—to keep your attention on your partner. But if that person is worth keeping, he or she has to come first.
For example, it’s not uncommon to have a partner who spends hours in front of the computer without realizing it’s damaging to a relationship. In some cases, the communication becomes so disjointed between two people that all they want to do is check out when they are together.
If this happens, you’ve got to put playtime and spontaneity back into your relationship. Spend time together without looking at the clock. Turn off the computer and leave the cell phone in another room or turn it off completely. The two of you will probably find that removing distractions is a welcome break. Your relationship will grow stronger. Make it a habit to keep distractions to a minimum.
2. Drifting apart. Many people believe they can passively keep a relationship going without much effort. Unfortunately, drifting apart can happen if attention and thoughts are elsewhere. You’ll end up spending time together and playing the part, but you’ll feel like strangers.
If a relationship is worth keeping, you have to take control of it. Start by having an honest conversation and get on the same page. The next step is to spend quality time together and see if you can reignite the bond—make plans to do something fun or out of the ordinary, let your partner know what is going on in your life, and inquire about theirs. Often, people don’t show their true feelings on the surface. Yet, that ease of communication and intimacy comes from getting a glimpse into your partner’s world and vice versa.
3. Being too busy. Does your partner have too much on his or her plate? Perhaps being overworked or overscheduled so you’re the last one in line?
This type of partner may not be ready or capable of having a great relationship. If it seems like you have to schedule time together just to have a conversation, this is a warning sign. Most people show what they value most by how they spend their time. The strongest partners put loved ones first. If your partner doesn’t prioritize relationships, they could easily end up alone.
Busy people don’t often realize they are overbooked or overworked. Rather than tolerating someone who can barley give up a few minutes, let them know this is a problem. Perhaps they need help saying “no” and scheduling their time. If they do want a commitment from you, let them know things have to change.
All of these communication mistakes are solvable. It does take letting go of things that aren’t working and addressing the problem together, but a great relationship is worth it.
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