Many years ago NBA All Star Charles Barkley was famously quoted as say, “I am not a role model.” Of course we all knew at the time, as did Mr. Barkley I’m sure, that what he’d said was incorrect, for sports stars and other celebrities are indeed role models to children whether we, or they, wish them to be or not. In the celebrity focused culture of today, this is inevitable. Having said that, the question arises, “Can you replace celebrities and sports figures as a role model in your child’s life?”
Children learn through imitation of adult actions
It is simply a part of human nature that human beings seek examples for how to live their lives in others, especially our children. We sometimes call this “hero worship,” and adults are as guilty of the practice as are kids. We all have the capacity to learn through imitation, which makes a role model all the more valuable. The trick then, is to help children find and focus on positive role models who reflect the same values as their parents.
The first of these role models will be the parents or guardians of the child, as the case may be. Positive, life-affirming behaviour from a parent or guardian will generally be imitated by the child; as will negative, destructive behaviours. When children grow up watching the actions and interaction of the adults around them, those become the norm for them, influencing their own behaviour for the rest of their lives. A positive role model will generally foster positive behaviour in a child, while the actions of an abusive parent will teach them that such behaviour is normal and acceptable.
In addition to parental behaviours, children will imitate and model their own behaviour based on the influences of their teachers, counsellors, and coaches. They will also reflect the attitudes and actions of their friends, and the parents of their friends. These are all powerful influences on the lives of children, just as the lives of celebrities and sports stars can be. Controlling access to, and the amount of influence of, the models for living that your child chooses is one of the responsibilities of every parent or guardian.
The first step to take if you want to be a better role model for your children is to reflect your values in your actions. The old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” is hypocritical in the extreme, and children see through this lack of integrity very quickly. Ultimately, it is a harmful standard to force upon your child.
Be consistent in your thoughts and actions. Be helpful, not resentful. Show respect for others, including all members of your family. Control your temper and apologize when you overreact or become angry. To help your child become the best person you hope he or she can be, you must be that person for him or her. Most important, always be aware that your child is watching an imitating everything you do, making you their most important role model.
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